Fire Within The Whole

My fist landed perfectly against his nose. His head flew back and his confidence along with it.

Every move he made, I knew. Every intention he signaled, I read.

His form was weak, burdened by hesitancy and imbalance.

Jab? Slip. Hook? Duck. Combination? Step back.

The conviction in his eyes wavered. His fists yearned to meet my face, but my eyes canceled the scheduled meetings.

I can see everything. Therefore, I can touch anything–and he couldn’t stop me.

He fought with the burden of Self and doubt. I fought with freedom and lightning.

1-2-3. Slip. 2-3-2.

In his eyes, I saw his spirit dwindled—it was glorious.

The bell rang. I destroyed my opponent.

We respectfully touched gloves and he stepped out of the ring.

I felt invincible.

Then, I saw him, the one I considered the best in the gym.

Nervousness tapped my shoulder, but excitement dragged me by the hand.

“Let’s spar,” I challenged and he agreed.

We went into our respective corners.

His back faced me and my gaze lasered on him.

I'm ready. Ready to see where I measured against the truly skillful.

The bell rang, and the difference between us was apparent.

His form was perfect, while mine faltered.

He understood distance, while I stumbled over missed punches.

He understood when to attack and where to defend while I was flustered about my next move.

His footwork was elusive, while mine was less so.

To say he’s an equal would be a lie, and I don't need to be insulted by false credit.

He was better than me. I lost every round. Nothing like a couple of blows to the head to gain clarity and see reality.

Our sparring session concluded. We respectfully touched gloves and he continued to spar with others.

I stayed in the gym until closing, studying him.

Observing. Watching. Seeing.

These were only sparring matches, far from the intensity of an actual fight, but the phrase "I lost" lingered in my mind.

Suddenly, a rush of memories emerged:

Moments of embarrassment.

Moments of pain.

Moments of loss.

Moments of shortcomings that used to weigh heavy on my shoulders.

Upon visitation of these old ghosts, a feeling started to arise.

A feeling, unlike my past encounters with "loss."

It didn't feel good, but it didn't feel bad. It felt different.

In the past, "losing" felt like falling into a pit with no escape. It felt like drowning in an unforgiving sea. It felt like a tornado of rage wishing to destroy all in its path.

Not anymore.

I feel a burning sensation, no longer of pain but excitement.

“There's so much to learn.” I realized with a smile.

This "loss" isn't a loss of pride, but a loss of ignorance.

No, this does not begin my path to becoming a professional fighter. Sorry, Coach. I do not have the desire nor do I (currently) have the skills.

This "loss" is a reminder of my continued path toward Understanding.

I love to understand. I Want to understand. Not only in the domain of combat sports but in every domain I enter—outside of me and within.

“Losing is Learning” is not new thinking, but the feeling that I felt was because I can be extremely prideful. I still am, and I do not wish to change that.

One could argue, writing this is soothing and licking my wounds from the lost bout. Perhaps.

Maybe this is just to vent and reconcile my embarrassment of shortcomings. Sure.

But once the venting is done, true perspective sets in and the fog disappears.

Reality unveils itself or rather, I unveil myself to Reality.

And what needs to be done becomes clear. Immediately.

…and it’s always been this way.

• Life isn’t complicated, I make it so.
• Life isn’t scary, I make it so.
• Life isn’t good or bad, I make it so.

But making it so, doesn’t make it true. The "I" can be such a clever thing.

The "I" might as well stand for "ignorance."

The only loss that exists is the loss of ignorance…and we love ignorance. Why?

Ignorance is the illusion of certainty. Ego cherishes certainty.

Reality requires Awareness and Understanding.

Awareness destroys illusion. Understanding eliminates ignorance.

The elimination of ignorance is the destruction of Ego...and why would Ego want that?

“The only loss that exists is the loss of ignorance.”

To enter Reality, you need to find the door and possess the key. Awareness is the door. Understanding is the key.

When I enter, Truth exits. When Truth enters, I exit.

Did this feel good? "No," shouts Ego.

Was it worth the lesson? "Absolutely," whispers Awareness.

May I exit every room, and usher in the desire to Know and the sight to See all.

Fire burns within.
A fire that once clouded The Path of my senses.
That same Fire burns.
But no longer does it cloud my senses, it clears them.