Hope Is Killing You

"Let’s spar.”

My body froze when I heard those words.

It's been quite some time since I sparred in boxing. But my mouth said, "Let's go."

Putting my gloves on,  hands were trembling.

Putting my helmet on,  Mind was rushing.

Settling into my corner, heart was racing.

In the opposite corner was my opponent.

Though I was facing him, I didn’t see him. All I saw was me and the flood of my insecurities.

“He is taller than you. He has better range than you. Are you going to win? Are you going to lose?”

I tried to calm my mind.

I took deep breaths. I told myself, "I'm okay. You got this. Positive thoughts." I did all the techniques that society tells you to calm anxiety.

They didn’t work.

If answers weren't helping, perhaps a question might.

“What is this Fear?

"Losing? No. I've lost before. I am familiar with losing.

Winning? No. I've won enough and I always welcome it.

Jacob, what is this Fear?"

Then the fatal blow struck me before any punches were exchanged that day.

Hope.

The Curse That Lingers

There's an ancient Greek story of Pandora. Pandora was given a box and she opened it. Upon opening, curses were unleashed onto the world.

Pandora eagerly closed the box and the only thing left inside was Hope.

Growing up, I thought it was a story of comfort. I thought it was a story of "Hope will save all".

I realized Hope is the most dangerous curse of all because it is the most seductive.

Hope is the enemy dressed up as an ally.

If "Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration", then Hope is the slow death that brings eternal annihilation.

Failure is not the home of suffering. Hope is.

There are moments when you hope for an outcome. You hope someone will feel the same way as you do. You hope the other see things how you see things. You hope for something to go your way.

• Hoping.
• Expecting.
• Needing.

You played the losing game of conditions. Why?

Hope implies a lack of certainty. Not of the future, but yourself.

Fear of failure is not the demon that lurks in the shadows. It's the need for success.

Sure. There were situations when you held onto Hope and the outcome mildly favored you.

But what is gaining 10% when you lost 90% of yourself along the way?

Who Art Is in Heaven

Van Gogh did not create Starry Night. Starry Night created Van Gogh.

Ask any artists. Did they aim to create "the greatest masterpiece of all time...or album of the year?...a painting that will be heralded by the masses?"

The artist creates because they are pulled to create–as if without choice.

No expectations. No need for reciprocation. The only "need" present is the need to create.

The Self-Known jumping into the playground of the Unknown.

To expect nothing. To be so involved in the process that "good" or "bad" are empty words.

To both lose and secure yourself in the ocean of creativity.

Be certain of yourself, no matter the outcome, and emerge untouched.

It is in this domain the artist arrives.

Expectations. Hope. Need. These are all glorified enslavement of both the giver and receiver.

The artist doesn’t rely on Hope. They rely on instincts. They rely on Creativity which we all possess but rarely wield. Once Hope is touched, Art is destroyed.

In martial arts, the great fighter is not the one who has everything to win. The great fighter is the one who has nothing to lose.

To remove Hope is to remove the golden handcuffs. To paint a vibrant picture with a free hand. To see the other universe without being bound by this one.

The Way of the Artist.

Artist, not only in your craft but in everything that you do.

• When you speak with your neighbor.
• When you laugh among friends.
• When you look at your child.

To see yourself in everything and nothing. To be fulfilled with One's self in all things.

Fulfillment arrives before the doing—not after. It arrives when You arrive. When The Universe serves You, and You It.

Totality Here

As I write this, it's winter in my home state of Alaska. Outside my window is a view of the Chugach Mountain Range.

I grew up with these mountains. They have always given me comfort. If I am ever lost, I only need to look at these mountains and I'll be in the direction of Home.

In the summer, I love to walk amongst them. I love to walk amongst these timeless friends. To engage with the timeless is to become timeless yourself.

Being the moment. To see without filters. To breathe without obstructions. To feel without an ounce of hesitation.

To be totally and completely Here.

No delusion of the illusionary tomorrow and becoming blind to the beauty of today.

Not hoping I would get this. Not hoping I would feel that. Not hoping that I will obtain xyz.

No shoulds, no what-ifs, no begging.

That is what Hope is…begging. It’s the virtuous beggar.

This is why I love Nature. I don’t expect anything from Nature and Nature doesn't expect anything from me—the perfect relationship.

If you hope, it's impossible to love. One cancels the other.

Hope is the lie that tastes so sweet. There's no such thing as “false hope” because all hope is false.

This is not to be viewed nihilistically but as a possibility.

To abandon Hope is to abandon need. It’s an opportunity to live here fully and completely.

Drop Hope and obtain Freedom.

Live here in the fleeting infinite, not in the eternally finite.

Without expectations, without thoughts, without the imposition of societal values.

To be in flow, to be in no-mind, to be.

Totality in all actions.

Totality in movement. Totality in speech. Totality in perception. Totality in performance.

Perfection exists. It is found Here.

Expectations weigh heavy on you.

Not only the expectations of others but expectations of yourself.

Break the shackles that exhausted your soul’s arms.

Free yourself.

No longer fragmented, but whole. My God, there You are.

Complete and needing nothing. If there is a need, it’s the need to be right here. Doing this exact action and swimming in the fresh waters of The Moment.

To need nothing...

To expect nothing...

To hope nothing is to have everything.

Freedom in Battle

Before the bell rang, I recited a personal prayer and it goes as follows...

"
Fear is here.
Fear is here.
Fear is here.
Now...
Fear is over there
and Nothing is here
...but This.
"

When the bell rang, I no longer saw myself. I felt myself totally and completely.

I approached my opponent and we danced with violent rhythm and honesty.

In that moment, I no longer felt the need to win or felt the need to run from loss because I no longer drink the poison of Hope.

I drank from the Holy Grail of Understanding. May it quench all my thirst forever.

Student: Master, How Did You Become The Greatest?

Master: I attained what every warrior wishes, but few imagine as possible.

Student: What is that?

Master: Freedom in battle.

– "A Master's Secret Whispers: For those who abhor the noise and seek The Truth...about life and living" by Kapil Gupta